fábulas médicas

De la Doctora Parraguez, delgada y de inigualable belleza, se dice que inspiró a muchos de los médicos que hoy ejercen la labor de chofer de ambulancias.

En cierta ocasión, uno de sus internos le preguntó:

- Doctora, qué solución debo utilizar para hidratar a un paciente? Suero Fisiológico o Ringer Lactato?
- Ringer Lactato, respondió la doctora.
- Pero el ATLS recomienda el uso de Suero Fisiológico, replicó el interno.
- Muy bien, entonces Fisiológico, respondió ella
- Ya caigo, doctora. Fue una pregunta tonta.
- No sólo eso, sino que tú eres tonto, tu novia es horrible y si no dejas de pisarme el pie, voy a reprobarte.

Análisis y enseñanza:

Aquí se le pide a la doctora que haga un juicio de valor entre 2 soluciones salinas clásicas. Ello no es nada sencillo, sobre todo para la mujer que no ha estudiado medicina, jamás ha leído el Harrison y se la ha pasado simulando.

Además, ¿qué se entiende por "mejor"?, ¿no es acaso un término irremediablemente relativo? Lo que es mejor para la doctora, puede no necesariamente ser mejor para su interno. Por ejemplo, a la doctora le gusta dormir echada sobre el estómago. Al interno también le gusta dormir sobre el estómago de la doctora. El problema es evidente. Sobretodo porque la doctora es casada y el interno tiene novia, la que, como ya ha sido mencionado, es horrible.

Hay que señalar también que pisarle el pie a un médico de staff (como hace el interno en esta historia), según el manual de semiología de Goic, es un error comparable al de desfibrilar un Flutter Auricular (entiéndase matar a un cristiano) o atesorar pan en la residecia médica con un propósito distinto al de comerlo.

Larga vida a Florence Nightingale.

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